why is one of the first feelings
after the initial experiences of regulation
and being grounded
a guilt
of not doing enough, or
that i don’t deserve this,
or that if pleasure
doesn’t come with sacrifice
then i didn’t earn it
where the fuck
did that even come from?
no wonder this world is so fucked
if the moment anyone feels at peace
they are bombarded with a gnawing
suspicion that to feel this good
it must mean that you cheated or
found a life hack at someone
else’s expense
