There is Here

I said a lot of things
I did even more
I felt little
The focus hasn’t changed though
I’ve been trying to get
There.

Everything said
Everything done
Everything felt
Was everything I had to get
There.

It’s not a place, but sometimes it’s a feeling
It’s not my words, but sometimes it’s yours
And you can’t book flights, but you can book time alone to get
There.

The closer I get
The more compassion I have for myself
And for the world
and i see how blindly I was existing
while still miraculously closer to where I was trying to get
no thanks to any thing i said
or any thing i did
but maybe thanks to the little i felt
which didn’t even come from me

i’m just trying to say (why do i need to say so much)
that i am closer to where i need to be
and feel exhausted at how hard i worked to get here
only to realize that everything
i did and said
just got in the way
and slowed me down
and blinded me
from seeing
sitting
being still
and being grateful that there is here

—
Nathan Colquhoun