I write this from a standpoint of never having someone extremely close to me die. I have had no real close experiences with close-ones coming to die, so maybe I’m uneducated and too inexperienced to write about this. I say this because I am not trying to be insensitive, and I want understanding, so please don’t hesitate to comment.
I notice a few things when someone close to them loved one passes away. They are usually filled with grief. Understood. Why did this grief exist? What really inspired those feelings and emotions? There were a number of reasons where these feelings could come from.
Grief, because the loved one is no longer with us. When we wake up in the morning, that person won’t be there, and you can’t call them either. It sucks, there is no doubt about it. Another thing which would cause grief would be the fear of the unknown. When someone dies, we aren’t really sure what’s happening. We get scared because what does that mean for us? Where will we end up?
Both these options seem to be quite focused on ourselves. We are sad because we lost a friend (not because they lost us when they died). We are scared because we don’t know what happened and we don’t know what’s all going on which leaves us uncertain about our future. Both options are quite selfish if you ask me. Understandable of course, but not means for depression or excessive grief, I think that would say that we care about ourselves way too much.
We as humans seem to have this weird fear of death. Death is only negative for some reason. I’m not sure why this is. Maybe because we don’t know much about what happens after. I think though that we need to spend a lot more time focusing on life anyway and just accept and understand that death, now, is a natural part of it. Death isn’t bad. Death is normal. It sucks, but not for them, only for us.
I do have sympathy for someone when someone close to them dies. They deserve our love and support. However I think that most of the time when someone dies we need to understand that the grief isn’t because something awful happened to them, it’s because we lost someone who was dear to us. It seems that death is only sad for those that are alive. Death can only hurt those that are alive, and those of us that are alive just have to live passionately now and know that its coming but not dread it but accept it.
I guess the grief and pain is for the most part about us and how we feel about the lose or separation from our friend or loved one. I will disagree with your premise a bit though. The age, the circumstance of death and our knowledge of their spiritual condition play a role in whether or not our grief is about ourselves or the person who has died.
I have had friends die young and to the best of my knowledge they had no relationship with Christ. In my heart this pains me because of the consequences they face.
The violent painful death of a loved one can cause agony because you think of what they suffered and what their final moments must of been like. Thoughts of their terror and pain can cause you almost unbearable grief.
It’s not an easy thing to put the reasons for someones grief in neat catagories. It is a complex mix of emotion based on many factors.
No matter how you slice it, losing a friend or loved one sucks.
I’ve had a few close friends to me die within the last 5 years. I’ve not been in depression or any sort of deep ditch, but I have been in times of mourning. In these time I know that they’re with God and all that stuff, but emotionally I still cannot help but weap and mourn, and YES because of the personal reasons. I wouldn’t say that it’s selfish to miss someone. I don’t think it’s selfish to be sad when someone departs from your life on earth permanently. Realistically, it’s because I miss the relationships I had with the people that died. I don’t care about them dying really, it’s more because they’re gone, not because their heart stopped beating.
You are right. I think this may just be word-play.
Peace,
E
i think well from experience that grief is there because death is final..not for them, but for us. when someone you love dies you’ll never see them again,you cant talk to them anymore,you will never hear their laugh or their voice again.they arent just gone on a long trip they are gone forever until one day when you see them in heaven. but really will it be the same when you see them in heaven? will my dad still be my dad when im in heaven. or will he just be some guy who i once knew. i think that was the hardest thing for me. it cant possible be the same. but i know there are no tears in heaven so im sure it will be ok.
it may seem selfish to some people that you would be upset when someone dies. and maybe it is. because it is all about us. but if we didnt get upset and show emotion it would seem as if we didnt care about the person. if someone you loved died and you didnt have any reaction to it, then it would be as if their life didnt matter..someone once told me when my dad died..”LIFE GOES ON…” well it might go on..but it wont be the same….