It’s possible that my sensitive side might be peeking through. Lately I’ve found myself holding back that ‘single tear’ trying to compose myself. Every time I’m on the verge of allowing that tear to roll down my cheek all I can think is “I haven’t done this in a long time.” Then I usually allow my thoughts to wonder about my failure to cry in any situation and then the next thing I know it the very thing that was welling up inside was over and I move on with my life.
The most recent event that caused such a reaction was Vanessa’s wedding. For those of you who don’t know Vanessa she is my friend that is significantly older than me but nevertheless close because of our shared Cornerstone experiences. She married to a great guy, Jeff, and great volleyball player, tonight. As Pastor Randy was going through what it meant to be married I could feel that feeling coming to me. I’m not really sure why it was. It could have been because two of my friends were being joined together in holy matrimony. It could have been that Pentecostal Holy Ghost coming in for a sneak attack. It could have been the simple fact that I can’t wait to find that girl who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with and have those words speaking to us. It could have been the fact that Christ constantly compares his relationship with us, the church, to a marriage like the one I was watching.
While all these things certainly had its play on that tear, I found that it corresponded with the feeling I get in other similar instances. The look and sight of raw love is something that breaks my heart (positively). I could see it in Jeff and Vanessa’s faces. I saw it in that chick flick Spanglish at the end where the mother and daughter are arguing which I wrote about a few entries back. I see it in the eyes of those who are helping the needy in Toronto. I see it in the action of my friends in Thailand and Trinidad right now. Whenever I take time to seriously consider these instances, my heart breaks and the tear forms. It’s amazing where you can find love like this. It’s everywhere, yet we are so desensitized by false commitments and ourselves that we miss it even when we have an opportunity to partake.
I long to live a life that when people look at me that single tear forms in them because they see the love of Christ shining through me towards everyone around me. I realize I’m far from my goal but the moments that I experience watching from the outside increase my desire constantly to express this love instead of just seeing it in others.
I think a lot of chicks would be happpy if nate shed a tear of love for them…..
phil, how many of those ‘chicks’ could we name on this blog?
mandy+caitlyn+me=great minds think even more alike.
you definately bring that tear to my eye. the tear of pride that i feel when i see you because i am just so proud of the work that you do and the things that i see in you. the tear of admiration. because i admire so many aspects about you it’s unbelievable. the tear of joy because my heart just fills with joy when i see or think about you so much so that it overflows out of my eye. but mostly the tear of love because i just have this deep love for you. you seriously bring a tear to my eye when i consider the wonderful way God has made you.
xoxoxo.
Mandy and I = great minds think a like!
I fully agree with Mandy.
Your love/passion for Sarnia is tearmoving. I love that you have that passion for your city/town/area/home. It’s so encouraging, and great!
Is it hard for you to take what I say seriously since you have only really know the “funny side of caitlyn” … I wonder.
you know that saying…”we are our own worst critics”? don’t be so quick to think that you don’t exude love nathan. because you do…God shines through you in ways that will never be able to be put down in words…mine or someone elses. Granted, I’ve only gotten to know you kind of in the last 6 months or so and I know nearly next to nothing about who nathan is and what comprises him, but I know what you’ve shown and what I’ve seen. What I see everytime I see you is kindness, and interest, and compassion and a genuine love for the people that are around you.
I know we all have our faults and weaknesses and that we sin in them, just don’t get caught up in that. It’s detrimental and not at all where God wants your mind.
Have a great day loving the people of Sarnia. I think my friend Shayla knows a lot of the people you know…however that is just a speculation – although its probably true.
adios!
mandy.
(p.s. I found my passion…maybe I’ll email you and April)
hey nathan..im glad that you enjoyed our wedding..maybe just maybe you did find “your” girl at our wedding..;)