This New Year I have become increasingly aware of two things that are seemingly tied together: the ramifications of not tying up loose ends with friends after fights, and the idea of actually having enemies. I’ll be blunt here, I mostly see this in the opposite sex (females) but it comes up in a lot in guys also. I don’t know how many times I’ve mentioned a name only to here a story about how stupid that person is or to here the simple statement “oh, I hate that person.” There usually is no reason behind the hate, and if there is it’s typically about something quite minor or something that happened so long ago. It’s all so ridiculous.
I’m no relationship guru, and I’m not perfect at all this. I’m just sharing my heart on something that I need to work on just as much. This is a topic all people when approached, especially during the action, get completely defensive about. You will hear a string of excuses and reasons why it’s ok to say that or think that or why it’s not big of a deal. It is something that usually sparks up massive discussions and people could talk about for hours. I’ve sat in rooms where people will talk about and trash one guy/girl for over an hour straight for no apparent reason, or just because their weird (and that’s with my Christian bible college friends). I’m just as dumb for being there and participating or not stopping it. I always walk away from those conversations empty and hollow inside. Then when I actually see that person that everyone was making fun of I feel so bad, because I know I’ve created this invisible wall between me and them.
I don’t understand how one person can have so many enemies. I know people that seriously don’t like more people than they like, and they are so picky with the people they hang around. You can’t really plan good parties, because somewhere down the line someone will be angry or fighting with someone else and then everyone won’t enjoy themselves. I never want to be the type of person that has pointless enemies. Enemies for good reasons are understandable but never enemies for reasons so minor. If you love God and someone doesn’t and they hate you for that is a lot different then someone hating you for saying something about their hair wrong. Most of the time it’s our pride that holds us back from making amends. “I don’t need to apologize.” Really it’s not your fault, and that’s fine but it will be your fault if you hold a grudge to them for holding a grudge to you.
I’m frustrated right now even talking about this. How many friendships and relationships have gone down the tubes over the most ridiculous things? Even dating relationships should be mended so there is no bitterness on either side. People need to learn to forgive and forget and move on. A lot of us have tried to master the moving on part without the forgiving and forgetting. It doesn’t work. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person. It’s for you. If you can’t forgive someone for something and start treating that person with dignity (in front or behind their back) then your holding yourself in bondage not them.
I spoke a sermon once called “get over it.” I guess that’s what we all need to get into our heads. That bad break-ups, insults, being ditched by other friends really aren’t that big of deals and we need to get over the minor issues because its costing us a lot. The bible says that when we forgive others that when we will be forgiven. C.S. Lewis says in Mere Christianity somewhere that we are not offered forgiveness under any other terms. Get over it, and let yourself move on in your life with freedom.