My Christmas became X’mas

With Christmas season just behind us, it leaves me still with jogged memories and fantasies that I had when I was child about previous Christmas’. This was the first Christmas that I asked for something I needed. I got a tool set and a dirt devil vacuum cleaner. My friend was telling me how he just got some pots & pans and flashlights. Wow, do I miss the days of video games, stereo systems and snowboards. The days when I had no responsibilities and I could do whatever I wanted.

I couldn’t help but notice this Christmas that everything felt different. It was my second year away from home but it was the first year that home didn’t feel like home. It was the first year that it was only my brother, sister and parents around the tree (a four footer that we picked up Christmas Eve) and for our turkey dinner (which my mom I think forgot there was only five of us because I think she cooked for twenty). I hadn’t gone to church in a while, so I only got one Christmas message all year as opposed to the five I’m used to (they serve to get me in the mood of Christmas). My brother, sister and I all decided not to buy for each other to just save money. It never felt like Christmas for one second. I’m still trying to decide if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

Christmas seemed to have meant something different this year, but the problem is I’m not exactly sure of what that was. I know it wasn’t about presents and getting and giving things. I picked up my gifts for my parents on Christmas Eve and the only other gift I got was for Darryl and Melissa, once again both bought on Christmas Eve. I got a few things for Christmas and all of it was for my ‘new home’ so I can keep it orderly. I know it wasn’t all about family either. It was simply us five, and between meals I slept and that night I drove to Toronto.

At the reunion get together I was at tonight we talked a little about the whole dilemma of taking the ‘Christ’ out of Christmas and replacing it with ‘X’ or saying Happy Holidays. It sent my mind twirling because I think this year I missed the whole point. I wish I could say Jesus is the reason for the season, but I never made him the reason for the season at all. I didn’t necessarily backslide and run away from what Christ meant, but I know I missed it. We never did a devotional in the morning or read from the gospels. I never really paid much attention at the Christmas Eve service at our church and I constantly put off all convictions to read the gospels myself.

Maybe it was because I was so tied up with school. Maybe it was because I had no money and I could buy things for everyone. Maybe it was because I never went to church enough. Maybe it was because I don’t spend enough time with God. Maybe it was because I spent too much time focusing on myself and not others. I’m sure there are ten thousand four hundred and eighty-six excuses I could come up with for why Christmas wasn’t Christmas this year, but none of them I don’t think would be good enough. None of them would justify it.

I have been so focused lately on ‘breaking’ meaningless traditions and going against the grain of Christian culture that I had failed to see what lied behind the whole idea. I didn’t care if we had a tree, I didn’t care if I got presents; I piggy-backed on the ‘I don’t care’ attitude but it cost me something dearly. Whether Christ was actually born in early fall or late summer (which some believe) or on Dec 25 I don’t think really matters. I know a lot of you that read this blog don’t believe in Christ or are completely ignorant of Him so maybe this means nothing to you. Maybe Christmas is just sort of a nice time away from work to spend with the family or some ancient Greek worship week of the sun. Whether we give each other stuff and have a pine tree, maple tree or banana tree in our living room doesn’t matter to much either. If we miss the whole idea of ‘EMMANUEL’ (God with us) during this time, I think that’s when we are missing out on something big. Of course, this should be something that we are constantly rejoicing about and constantly proclaiming through action and word.

Just the fact that God, all-everything, the same God created us would humble himself to the same level as his creation so low that he even served his creation, is something to be acknowledged and praised. Trying to grasp that concept is something we can spend our lives doing, so to give special appointed time during this season is the least we can do for him and for ourselves to try and work on that relationship with the same God that became human in a manger. This coming year I will make it a goal to constantly be keeping the spirit of CHRIST in my life so when Christmas comes around next year the season won’t be one that has been stagnant for eleven months but one that simply comes and I’m able to enjoy it all the more because its been my life leading up to it. I hope to bring more reverence as I move forward in my journey and start to rediscover Christmas in every aspect of my life and not just in presents and decorations once a year.