Perhaps the worst time in life is that in anticipation for something that could possibly happen. Perhaps this is the best time in life also. I always find myself in this spot. I have dreams for my future, big dreams at that, not just the little ones that a genie could grant. I have dreams that are in detail and some others that are quite broad. Lately I find that when one of my dreams are on the verge of existence I get really antsy. I get nervous a lot, tongue-tied, moody (ranging from too hyper to too solemn), sidetracked, giddy at times and sometimes even downright depressed. The hope drives me insane to a point. I get like this from the largest dreams to wanting to plant a church to my smallest ones of crushing on a girl. It seems I’ve been like this a lot in Toronto.
Toronto is a conduit to my dreams. I don’t like it here; I don’t want to stay here. In fact, to be quite honest; Toronto is one of the last places I would ever want to live. The sole reason I am here is for school. I look at it as nothing more than a way to get where I want to go. In matters concerning girls, that might be considered rude and shallow. Since this is a school, really its just one building, I don’t feel to bad feeling this way. I have a hard time being at these times in my life. It seems that I am always waiting. Sitting in between my dreams and reality; promises and fulfillment. I won’t be single all my life, yet right now I’m single. I won’t be at Tyndale all my life, but right now I’m here. I won’t be struggling with the same things I struggle with now all my life, yet once again, I am here now, I have to deal with this now.
Why does it seem that every thing in my life right now is just a vehicle to something greater, bigger than what I’m already doing. Maybe that’s true for all of us. Are any of us really at the full potential that we are going to be at? Potential by definition is being capable of more. Aren’t we all there? Sometimes I put way too much emphasis on the future. It gets to the point that I’m so excited for it (or dreading it) that I completely miss out on what’s happening now. This is happening in so many area’s of my life, and I need to be more conscious of it than I already am.
If I spend all my time being single, simply looking for a significant other, won’t I be missing out on the whole point of being single? Won’t I miss out on the things that God wants to do with me now, during my singleness? And what about school? If I am so excited about moving back to Sarnia and to start something wild am I forfeiting my chance to excel and enjoy my time here at Tyndale? Maybe that’s why Christ said don’t worry about tomorrow because tomorrow will take care of itself. If we spend all our time worrying about tomorrow, we’ll forget about today. I know we have dreams, but we need to remember that without today, those dreams of tomorrow will never be arrived at. Today is the vehicle tomorrow. We can’t run out of gas in the vehicle, we can’t run out of energy and let the vehicle break down and still expect to get there (I know, cheesy analogy, yet so applicable).
So to all those who are like myself that have dreams that are out of this world. Whether it be to start your own skate shop, become the president of Tyndale, plant a church, star in Hollywood, assassinate the antichrist or simply have a family remember that to succeed in the future, you need to succeed today. To enjoy the future, you need to enjoy today. Remind me of this when I’m down and out because my dreams aren’t in the present and just give me a nudge, and vice versa, to simply remind each other to live life to its fullest now.